Just realised it’s Wednesday, how did that happen?
How was everyone’s weekend?
Mines was pretty quiet, I really missed my little lambs, they were at their dads house for a few days *Single Mum Alert 🚨!!* which meant sleepovers at Blairs for me. So to take my mind off my little ankle biters, I decided to apply some tan and drink numerous cups of coffee whilst googling ‘How much surgery would I need to look like Chanum Tatums wife?’ ….I was so hungry after all the doing nothing I was doing, I decided to order some breakfast.
The delivery woman not only came 40 minutes early but she even said ‘Morning Hen’ when I opened the door. How nice is that? If I wasn’t standing in my Jammies looking like a complete stinker, I just might have hugged her.
OH HEY NEIGHBOURS – still hating each other I hear? SORRY – got distracted by the asbo squad there.
BIGGEST REGRET OF THE WEEKEND? Eating the below pizza.
We were booked to go to Cosmos in Edinburgh but due to the rank weather we never went and instead had a cosy Saturday night eating pizza and lots of ice cream. MASSIVE MISTAKE. I ordered a 10inch pizza for myself (diet starts
Thursday, Friday, Monday next week) and it had spicy chicken and spicy mince – WHY?.
Lying next to Blair on the couch and my stomach started making ridiculous noises. Oh god. This cannot be good. Genuine fear …I had my plan all prepped out in my head as to why I was going to Tesco at that time of night…I’ll just spill the milk everywhere and say we need more. We are blessed with a 24 hour Tesco. Good plan Stephers. He does not need to know I poop, right? Due to the sensitivity off this conversation topic I will stop right now.
Ok ok …. nothing exciting really happened at the weekend. It flew by – the usual! My backs sore again thanks to Ollie’s antics at school pick up today. He was strutting around the playground with his Stone Roses t-shirt and his little Nike prestos taking the absolute mick out me. You know what it’s like in the school playground, everyone knows everyone however I actually don’t know a lot of people? (Sob sob) All the other parents loooking all composed and gorge. I however have got the whole sweaty top lip thing going on, stinking off fake tan trying to act like I’m so OK with Ollie taking a tantrum, I’m so alright and calm at him screaming at the top of his voice, I joke to the starers ‘kids eh’ but really I’m running through which toys I can blackmail him with to behave.
Oh look! The last people in the playground. Whys this you ask? My two are still running about the playground. I then took it to a whole new level. There were no other parents there, so I chose this moment to pull out the ‘OK, BYE THEN!’ card. You know exactly what I’m talking about 😉
I stormed out and hid behind a sign, Emily is smart like me obviously and clocked on, so I let her be apart of my cunning plan. Peeking through the fence and the little arse wasn’t fussed. He loved that I had left. ‘BE SAD AND LOOK FOR ME OLLIE!!!’ I could see him loving life all on his own. Plan B – The Mummy Meltdown. We’ve all been there, I walked over scooped him up over the shoulder and out we go, we all calmly walked to the car, Emily trying to winch some wee guy in her class, Ollie was held securely (very safely) upside down in my arms whilst blowing drool on to my leg and laughing and by this time I was getting lower to the ground due to carrying a baby hippo up to the car.
Bath time couldn’t come quick enough ‘Muuuuuum, Ollies stood up and peed on me in the bath’ (GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!)
So that was fun. Oh and Blairs in Ibiza which I am so not even thinking about right now, like at all. Not jealous. Or sad. Or crying in to my large strawberry and elderflower wine whilst watching Dinner date alone. Nope not me.
Night night 😘