Yeah so turns out I am clearly not the best mum blogger out there 😂
To be fair though, I have been super busy! I’ve moved out the ghetto and now have my own house, I pay my own rent, I learned how to juggle household bills like a proper grown up and in between all that – kept my two humans alive!
Ollie is now fully toilet trained, I’m not going to lie, that was such a scary time for me – we’ve all been there, nobody wants to visit anyone’s house with their kid that could potentially shit on their livingroom floor/couch/hall – anywhere really, just where ever they fancy.
We had a close call a few months back, we were at our friends little boys birthday party and Ollie said he needed to go, so I done the whole OMG scooped him up casually sprinted to the bathroom. He sat on the toilet but had already shat in his nappy so when I lifted him up I luckily caught it in my hand….why does this happen to me? So there I am casually getting poop of my hands trying to hurry up as people were chapping to get in. Then just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the toilet blocked. Of course it did. By this point The sweats pouring of me. Using my mum skills, down went the hand and un blocked it, out struts Ollie back in to the party, I went and bleached my hands. The party was great though!
Just picked Emily up from school. I avoid taking Ollie with me every time, he makes me look like a complete idiot. He’s the height of two footlong subways in amongst a playground and he runs away every time. This morning I dropped Emily of at school for breakfast club and thought I’ll sneak to Asda before the school run starts. There I was in my jeans and a hoody – nobody knew that I had no bra on or my jammie top was under my hoody – CLASSY. Last nights make up may have also still have been clinging to my face. So I thought right quick let’s get a quick few things before anyone catches us. That boy tricks me every single time in to believing that he won’t run away or make a scene in Asda. Drawing attention to my meth-lookalike ways (DISCLOSURE – I don’t actually take crystal meth) So, there he is, the wee arse, pelting up the isle anytime I get near him throwing his little hands about knocking stuff of shelves, throwing tampon boxes at innocent bystanders in for a quiet look at 8am. Then he done the almighty ‘no no’ …he hid.
Where the hell was my 2 year old demon child!!!!! Sweats were back, the sick feeling was taking over but then I saw his curly little head peeking out the photo booth machine. Anyone else do the ‘I’m so angry at you’ but try to do the whole ‘oh you scared me little fella’ in case anyone’s watching and judges you? Surely not just me? Anyways, he never shat in Asda so all good.
Also, my little squad has expanded, we decided to get our first family pet – Caty, the hamster. Yes. A hamster. I managed to get a grey cage to match my curtains and couch so it’s not all bad. There were no grey hamsters left though. Blair pretended he wasn’t that fussed about a hamster but it’s clear a bond has been created ❤️
No word of a lie, as I was typing this someone said ‘Hamster wheel!’ On the television – What are the odds of this? 😂
So yeah to round this up, OH BEFORE I FORGET! #NITGATE … Something scary happened the other week. At Nursery…
HEADLICE … a headlice outbreak, an outbreak to me means when more than one kid has them! That really happened. I’ve never feared for my extensions more, all I could think about was how often I have a kid stuck to the side of my face, sometimes I wake up through the night and BOOM there one is – Emily or Ollie snoring with their little heads attached to my head. I then got super smart, I knew both kids wouldn’t sit at peace whilst I went through their hair looking for devil lice, so I fired them both in the bath with a pack of raisins each. So not only are they getting clean, they are getting one of their 5 a day. I know I know – Smart.
It was all good until I emptied the bath and told them that the raisins they dropped were in fact the bugs from their hair. May have crossed a line with that joke but I thought I was hilarious. Oh and we were all head lice free by the way ☝🏽😎